The Blizzard of My Twenties

Tears streamed down my temper-ridden face. My shaking hand took turns, wiping away my tears, wiping the fog off the windshield from inside my freezing car, and covering the welt that sat above my heart from where he just punched the living shit out of me. I had been punched before, but never that hard, never with that much rage and that much force. Damn Him. The hate in his eyes was undeniable and the image still sent a cold spike down my back that could not be matched by Old Man Winter. This had to be the last time. Had to be.


I would drive as far away from Bridgemont as possible tonight. I had three credit cards to my name and about $60.00 in cash, and he had no idea I had any of it. He probably expected me to be back soon, for where could I go?  He knew as well as I did, I had no one. His controlling ways had all but squeezed the life out of me. I had the clothes on my back and a car that would at least get me a few towns over. I had to escape to where he couldn't find me. And as I pulled up to the red light, I realized I was starting to fish tail.

I stopped just in time. Before the cross traffic broadsided me. I had to be careful tonight. Old Man Winter was coming in fast and furious. The ice pelted my windshield as if it were hitting the high notes on a xylophone. I assessed I had very little time before the roads got too awful to travel. I couldn't turn back and this town was too small to stay in. There weren’t many places to hide, and with his connections, he’d find me if I stayed local. I couldn't have that, not if I wanted to live.

At that, I looked back in my rear view mirror. Shit! He's not following me, is he? Please Lord, do not let that be his truck coming up behind me. Light's green, move forward. Damn. I'm sliding again. Get it back on the road. Keep it straight. Please don't let that be him. Eyes forward. Okay, breathe, it isn't him. Probably one of his friends. I need to get out of here. The sooner the better.

I took the highway about 40 miles up the road. I exited on County Road 97 and headed North. The roads were shit, and I slowed it down to about 20 miles an hour. I couldn’t believe the humiliation he’d put me through…the mistrust, the accusations, the pain.  Even more, I couldn't believe I let myself live through all that. I’d tried to leave before, but always had been unsuccessful. Always because I had nothing, for he took it all from me. My money, spent. My career, destroyed. My self-confidence, gone. Self-worth, obliterated. My dignity? Stripped and exposed.

How long had I endured him and his abuses? Almost 8 years to the day. It wasn’t always the physical abuse that scarred. The emotional abuse carved holes in my heart until I could no longer even love myself. Just then, the wind started howling with such a force, blowing snow across the road, wiping out my visibility. I was having a hard time staying on this winding and curving road. Where was the road? Where was the edge? There was a town about 7 miles up the road. A bit of a larger town, one that I could hide out in until I could figure out what it was I would do with my life, where I would move on, and reestablish myself. Could I do this? Would I survive not being his better half?

The story continues on the next page...

BAM! It happened. I hit something, unsure what...but as soon as I hit it I knew I was in trouble. SNAP!! Damn and double damn. Apparently in this whiteout, I had lost the road. Unsure what to do at this point, I brought the car to a halt and turned on my hazards. I was on about 1/4 of a tank...and I reached for my cell phone.

I had 8 missed calls. All from him...and he left 8 voicemails. I could only imagine the first 3 or 4 were him cussing me out. The next one, would try to talk some sense into me. The next one would sound desperate. And the next two would be him begging, apologizing, wanting me to come back. I'd heard it all before, but this time I had finally decided I had had enough. I decided I wanted to live. I called my voicemail and entered my password and before the messages could play, I hit 7 to delete them. If I didn't hear his voice, I wouldn't be tempted.

Then I pulled out my AAA card and called them for a tow. Only I was put on hold and my phone died before I reached an operator. It was dark, cloud covered and as I looked out my windows I didn't see a house for miles around. I was definitely in the country. I couldn't see a thing when the wind kicked up the snow and whited everything out. Not another soul around for miles. The temperatures hovering in the sub-zero range; I wouldn't stay warm if my car died so I had to figure out a plan. Normally, I wouldn't mind walking 7 miles, but there was no way in this weather that could happen. After all, when I raced out of there, I feared for my life, who thinks to grab a jacket when all you really want to do is live to breath?

Then I suddenly remembered that I had an old wool blanket in the trunk. I unbuckled myself and slowly half-assed crawled into the back seat…pulling down a lever that was near the shoulder rest of the back seat and it brought the seat forward and I was able to reach back into the trunk and grab out that blanket. If I had to walk, I’d have some protection from the elements. For now, it would assist my old car heater in keeping me warm.

I played the radio, listening for the latest weather. Travel wasn’t advisable. They were calling it a level 3 emergency, which meant only Emergency Personnel were allowed on the road. I might very well be stuck here in this winter wilderness until dawn. I turned on some soothing jazz and I wrapped myself in the nasty old blanket and decided to wait it out.

Horrid thoughts entered my mind. What if he followed me or tried to find me? He’d done that once or twice before when I tried to leave and I had always regretted it. This time I had gone further than the last two times, I could possibly pay for this maneuver with my life. What if I froze to death out here on County Road 97? The cold seeped in through the old car windows and I shivered. Well, at least this death would be less painful, I reasoned.

And then it hit me. Why should it bother me to freeze out here? I had been frozen for a long, long time. Living with him, was like living in a cold death machine. Whether I died out here on the road during a storm, or if I died by his hand, either way it was still dying. I had been frozen in fear for nearly 8 years. I might as well have been dead, because I hadn’t been able to live.

I’m not sure when it happened, but I had nodded off.  And I jumped out of my skin when I heard the tapping on my driver side glass. I went into sheer panic because I couldn’t see out my window. The car had long since died and the ice and snow had covered the windows. Not knowing who was on the other side of the door, I was afraid to open it, afraid to answer.  I sat once again, frozen.

“Hello, is anyone in there?” I heard a voice, that was distinct and yet unrecognizable.

I choked up slightly, and chattered through my teeth, “Yes, yes, I’m inside. Please help me out of here.”

I unlocked my car door and maneuvered the handle, and pushed, but the door hardly budged. Then I heard the man say something, but I had no idea what and in a few minutes, I could hear him chipping away at the ice from the other side. After a moment or two, I tried again, and the door budged open.

“You realize you could have died out here in this cold, eh?” came his reply. “Are you okay?”

Tears streamed down my cheeks with the relief at the site of the old man, “I think I am now.” I replied.

“Well come on, I’ll take you up to the next town.” He offered. “This is no place to sleep for the night.”

Maybe it was the way I stood up, or maybe the scars and bruises were visible, I really wasn’t sure, but as I made my way out of the car with my purse and blanket, he looked at me hard. “Lady, you okay, do you need to go to the hospital?”

I smiled, it was the first time someone had shown concern for me in a very long time. “You know, I think if I can just make it to a hotel room and get some sleep, I’ll be fine.”

At that, he walked me to his car door let me inside. Then he drove slowly up the icy roads to the next town and I felt every part of me start to thaw from the cold. He took me to a decent hotel and made sure I was able to get a room before saying goodbye.

And, I checked in and started to live.

@Copyright 2010 by "Courtin Fantasy" All Rights Reserved.