An experiment in the creative portion of my brain to journey down that road where turning back is not an option. I need to find an avenue for my thoughts, dreams, and fantasies to escape out of my head...and perhaps they'll entertain you in the process.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Walk A Mile In My Shoes

If you walked a mile in my shoes....

Would you notice the smile on my face or all the pain it hides?

Would see a confident woman beaming with pride?

Would you find a friend who is always there for you?

Or would you walk away like others do?

If you walked a mile in my shoes...

Would you see a mom loving her children each day?

Would you see me as a failure right away?

Would you scorn this lady with her disabled child?

Or would you find it in your heart to go that extra mile?

If you walked a mile in my shoes...

Would you consider me hard working as I toil at night?

Would you see how I struggle to make things right?

Would you laugh at me because that's easy to do?

Or would you like to try on one of my shoes?

If you walked a mile in my shoes...

Would today be a way to start all things anew?

Would forgiveness come easy, quick, and true?

Would you decide it wasn't worth it and look the other way?

Or would you agree that the old slate is clean today?

If you walked a mile in my shoes...

Would the glass before you be half empty or half full?

Would your outlook on life be despair or hopeful?

Would you listen to me if I had something to say?

Or would you take off my shoe and just walk away?

If you walked a mile in my shoes...

Would you feel the love of those all around?

Would you find joy where it isn't usually found?

Would you make things hard and just not play?

Or would you decide it was worth it and want to stay?

If you walked a mile in my shoes...

Would you realize my struggles aren't much different than yours?

Would you find where the treasures of my heart are stored?

Would you shatter my heart to pieces screaming, "You Lose!"

Or would you like to walk a mile in both of my shoes?


Copywright©2010—by Courtin Fantasy…All Rights Reserved.

Friday, December 3, 2010

The Blizzard of My Twenties

Tears streamed down my temper-ridden face. My shaking hand took turns, wiping away my tears, wiping the fog off the windshield from inside my freezing car, and covering the welt that sat above my heart from where he just punched the living shit out of me. I had been punched before, but never that hard, never with that much rage and that much force. Damn Him. The hate in his eyes was undeniable and the image still sent a cold spike down my back that could not be matched by Old Man Winter. This had to be the last time. Had to be.


I would drive as far away from Bridgemont as possible tonight. I had three credit cards to my name and about $60.00 in cash, and he had no idea I had any of it. He probably expected me to be back soon, for where could I go?  He knew as well as I did, I had no one. His controlling ways had all but squeezed the life out of me. I had the clothes on my back and a car that would at least get me a few towns over. I had to escape to where he couldn't find me. And as I pulled up to the red light, I realized I was starting to fish tail.

I stopped just in time. Before the cross traffic broadsided me. I had to be careful tonight. Old Man Winter was coming in fast and furious. The ice pelted my windshield as if it were hitting the high notes on a xylophone. I assessed I had very little time before the roads got too awful to travel. I couldn't turn back and this town was too small to stay in. There weren’t many places to hide, and with his connections, he’d find me if I stayed local. I couldn't have that, not if I wanted to live.

At that, I looked back in my rear view mirror. Shit! He's not following me, is he? Please Lord, do not let that be his truck coming up behind me. Light's green, move forward. Damn. I'm sliding again. Get it back on the road. Keep it straight. Please don't let that be him. Eyes forward. Okay, breathe, it isn't him. Probably one of his friends. I need to get out of here. The sooner the better.

I took the highway about 40 miles up the road. I exited on County Road 97 and headed North. The roads were shit, and I slowed it down to about 20 miles an hour. I couldn’t believe the humiliation he’d put me through…the mistrust, the accusations, the pain.  Even more, I couldn't believe I let myself live through all that. I’d tried to leave before, but always had been unsuccessful. Always because I had nothing, for he took it all from me. My money, spent. My career, destroyed. My self-confidence, gone. Self-worth, obliterated. My dignity? Stripped and exposed.

How long had I endured him and his abuses? Almost 8 years to the day. It wasn’t always the physical abuse that scarred. The emotional abuse carved holes in my heart until I could no longer even love myself. Just then, the wind started howling with such a force, blowing snow across the road, wiping out my visibility. I was having a hard time staying on this winding and curving road. Where was the road? Where was the edge? There was a town about 7 miles up the road. A bit of a larger town, one that I could hide out in until I could figure out what it was I would do with my life, where I would move on, and reestablish myself. Could I do this? Would I survive not being his better half?
The story continues on the next page...