The Valentine's Date

I went shopping yesterday and I bought a nice red dress.  I have a beautiful butterfly broach to wear with it and a scarf that matches perfectly.  I also bought a nice red flower pin to wear in my hair.  I normally don't go all out like this, but I have a special date with my man this evening. Afterall, today is Valentine's Day and I can't wait for my date with Charles.

All I can think about these days is Charles and the next time I get to see him.  My stomach does flip flops just thinking of him.  The way his eyes dance when I speak to him and the cute way he looks at me as if I were the prettiest thing he has ever seen.  Of course, he'll probably really love what I am wearing for him this evening.  I can harldy contain my excitement.

I spend most of the afternoon, laying out my wardrobe, finding the perfect pair of shoes from my closet to wear with my newly bought dress.  I pick out the correct shade of lipstick to match my skintone. And I make sure I wear his favorite perfume.  He bought me a bottle of Este Lauder for Christmas a few years back. I wear it for him on special days like today.  I have to be ready when it is time to put it all on, because afterall, today is Valentine's Day and I can't wait for my date with Charles.

I look out the window, like a school girl does on her first date. I make sure I can get my car out of the driveway and I head out to warm it up.  I come back in and turn off a few lights and leave a few on.  I hear the familiar chimes of the Grandfather clock in the den.  I begin to smile because it is finally time to leave for my date with Charles.

I walk into the lobby and up to the desk.  I let them know I am here to see Charles.  They tell me he is waiting for me in the dining room. I thank the man and I smile.  I hurry down the hall but I quickly stop in the ladies room on the way and make sure that nothing is out of place.  My anxiety level is riding high, my heart has placed a lump in my throat.  I will soon see the love of my life and I must look absolutely perfect, because afterall, today is Valentine's Day and I can't wait for my date with Charles.

I walk into the dining room.  Someone points the way to my table.  I try to slow my step, but I can hardly contain myself.  I walk past a post and around the corner and I see my Charles at our table.  My eyes well up with tears and I'm wearing my smile from ear to ear.  "There you are, my dear." I greet him with a kiss.  He looks at me with his deep blue eyes and I give him a hug.  "How are you today?" I ask softly in his ear.  His reply doesn't come. He nods his head as if to be polite but he doesn't recognize me today.  He no longer knows who I am.  The nurse says to me, "It isn't one of Charles' better days, Mrs. Falkner. You sure do look nice, though.  Enjoy your meal." 

Naturally, I am a bit let down.  I was hoping this Valentine's Day would have been like all the previous ones we celebrated together.  It was a chance I took, getting all dressed up for my Charles.  Had this been a good day for him, he might have remembered and he would have really appreciated seeing me all dolled up.  I have to fight off the little voice that keeps asking me why the hell I even bothered, but as I look at my Charles, and recall all the good years we had together,  I know I did it out of love.  If he could give me the best years of his life...I could certainly give him the best years of mine. Besides, today is Valentine's Day and truthfully, I couldn't wait to spend it with my Charles.

This is my contribution to BFF 85.  If you enjoy blogging and would like a challenge, consider joining the facebook group here. 

The Blizzard of My Twenties

Tears streamed down my temper-ridden face. My shaking hand took turns, wiping away my tears, wiping the fog off the windshield from inside my freezing car, and covering the welt that sat above my heart from where he just punched the living shit out of me. I had been punched before, but never that hard, never with that much rage and that much force. Damn Him. The hate in his eyes was undeniable and the image still sent a cold spike down my back that could not be matched by Old Man Winter. This had to be the last time. Had to be.


I would drive as far away from Bridgemont as possible tonight. I had three credit cards to my name and about $60.00 in cash, and he had no idea I had any of it. He probably expected me to be back soon, for where could I go?  He knew as well as I did, I had no one. His controlling ways had all but squeezed the life out of me. I had the clothes on my back and a car that would at least get me a few towns over. I had to escape to where he couldn't find me. And as I pulled up to the red light, I realized I was starting to fish tail.

I stopped just in time. Before the cross traffic broadsided me. I had to be careful tonight. Old Man Winter was coming in fast and furious. The ice pelted my windshield as if it were hitting the high notes on a xylophone. I assessed I had very little time before the roads got too awful to travel. I couldn't turn back and this town was too small to stay in. There weren’t many places to hide, and with his connections, he’d find me if I stayed local. I couldn't have that, not if I wanted to live.

At that, I looked back in my rear view mirror. Shit! He's not following me, is he? Please Lord, do not let that be his truck coming up behind me. Light's green, move forward. Damn. I'm sliding again. Get it back on the road. Keep it straight. Please don't let that be him. Eyes forward. Okay, breathe, it isn't him. Probably one of his friends. I need to get out of here. The sooner the better.

I took the highway about 40 miles up the road. I exited on County Road 97 and headed North. The roads were shit, and I slowed it down to about 20 miles an hour. I couldn’t believe the humiliation he’d put me through…the mistrust, the accusations, the pain.  Even more, I couldn't believe I let myself live through all that. I’d tried to leave before, but always had been unsuccessful. Always because I had nothing, for he took it all from me. My money, spent. My career, destroyed. My self-confidence, gone. Self-worth, obliterated. My dignity? Stripped and exposed.

How long had I endured him and his abuses? Almost 8 years to the day. It wasn’t always the physical abuse that scarred. The emotional abuse carved holes in my heart until I could no longer even love myself. Just then, the wind started howling with such a force, blowing snow across the road, wiping out my visibility. I was having a hard time staying on this winding and curving road. Where was the road? Where was the edge? There was a town about 7 miles up the road. A bit of a larger town, one that I could hide out in until I could figure out what it was I would do with my life, where I would move on, and reestablish myself. Could I do this? Would I survive not being his better half?

The story continues on the next page...

Read On>>